words you never want to hear yet I heard those exact words today when I finally managed to go see a doctor. Words that brought all my fears to surface and had me in tears before I could even leave the clinic. Yes, it’s possible tumors, no definite yet but it still scares me to pieces. I have been dealing with this pain and slight bump since right before Christmas. We figured it was a pulled muscle, inflammation from me being sick, even my bra band being too tight and causing issues… deep down of course tumors…cancer were my biggest fear. I have hurt so much this week that I finally decided I couldn’t just keep waiting for it to get better. I searched around until I found a clinic that could see me today and didn’t require a huge payment up front, got myself and Abby ready and headed out the door. I kept telling myself that my worst fear was just that, a fear… me being an over worryer and fearing the worst. I figured the doctor would say it was a muscle or something, prescribe medicine or rest or whatever and all would be done. Things definitely didn’t go as I thought.
I’ve cried, I’ve worried to the point of making myself sick, I’ve tried to find things to take my mind off of it, I’ve sat here staring at my computer trying to work yet unable to focus at all. I have a friend that works at a hospital that I’m going to go talk to tomorrow, I’ve always called him when I’ve had medical issues so of course I called him today. I also have an appointment Monday to see my regular doctor from a few years ago, he’s where we use to live before moving to base and since I’ve never gotten a regular doctor since he’s the one I decided to go get a second opinion from.
I tell myself not to worry, not to really think much about it right now. The clinic I went to today didn’t have any equipment for x-rays or anything, the doctor listened to my heart and lungs then felt of the sore spot …felt the knot I was talking about and immediately just said possible tumor. He couldn’t explain the horrible sharp pain though… I’m honestly more confused now than I was before I went to the doctor. I don’t really feel like this doctor took time to really see what was wrong nor even really listen to me, honestly feel like he just jumped straight to worse possible. I’m hoping it’s nothing, just something simple that is solved with an x-ray and treatment. I know it will be a long weekend… I definitely need to keep busy and keep my mind off things. Sleeping is going to be near impossible…
If I’m not around much this is why… excuse my absence but I need to take a little time right now and will get posts up as I can.