I took this past weekend off so I could have time to think and consider things. I have felt so overwhelmed lately, torn between everything I need/have to get done and spending time with Abby. I sometimes feel like I take on took much sometimes, with the cooking and cleaning and laundry and craft projects and photography and blog posts… I rarely have time to breath sometimes and often I don’t get everything accomplished. Plus I feel like I don’t have enough time for my family.
I haven’t always felt this way, mainly just here lately as I’ve tried to catch up from all my down time from surgery. The problem is, I don’t feel like I will ever catch up. I have so much I want to get done yet I never have enough energy or enough hours in the day to do everything. I want to fix up the old office as a toy room, I need to set up my new office area, I have tons of crafts I want to complete, lots of projects on my to do list plus there’s the matter of trying to get this house clean (which I honestly feel like will never really happen). For the first time ever, I feel like I try to take on too much and in the end I feel stressed instead of accomplished.
I also worry if I spend too much time worrying about “work” and not enough time for Abby. She’s growing up so fast, she’s already three! I have moments when I worry if I have failed as a mommy, if I didn’t spend enough time with her and didn’t work with her enough to help her learn. Did I spend too much time answering emails, writing blog posts, editing pictures, working on the menu, etc and ignore her along the way? Maybe I should have worried less about all this “work” and paid more attention to enjoying every moment with my daughter.
I also sit and wonder if my blog is where I planned for it to be when I first created it three years ago. Back then I blogged more about us, shared stories and what was on my mind, I wrote about what was bothering me and I had readers that I knew followed because they were friends or were true readers. Now I feel like my personal posts get lost in so many reviews and giveaways and that many are here more for the giveaways than anything else. I have also let others make me question what I post, I never cared about that before. If it was on my mind, if it was how I felt, if I wanted to talk about it then I blogged about it. Now I write my thoughts but often leave posts sitting as drafts, unpublished and usually deleted after away.
My thoughts are pretty jumbled here lately. My passion for things I normally love, such as my photography, seems to have faded. I use to take my camera everywhere, capture all kinds of moments no matter how small yet now I have no desire to even get my camera out. When I do manage to take pictures I have to force myself to upload them and usually it still takes a good couple of weeks before I do so.
I have a lot of things to figure out, to sort out and quite honestly get back on track. I need to make several changes in my life, I need to focus more on what’s really important to me and stop getting buried under so much. I want to spend more time with my family, I want to create more memories for our daughter… besides us just sitting around the house all the time. I want to reconnect with friends and my readers, make my blog more about us and more personal again. I just need to get me back on track.